last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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