she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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