Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
