I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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