I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize