...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
