Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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