mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
