I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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