Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
