Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
