I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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