Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
