I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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