Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she peed on how many people?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
