spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize
