i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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