I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
