I just cut my nipple shaving
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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