May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
time to smoke my breakfast
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
