that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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