when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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