3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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