and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I am spending my child support on dildos
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
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