i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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