whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
