READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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