I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
