is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just blew my weed a kiss
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
