Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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