Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
