Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
