Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
