R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
