you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
