I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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