You really coming over, don't trick.
Dual....:-)
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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