I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
