Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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