you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
