Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
