soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
