brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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