When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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