"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
