Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
