My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize