At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
