I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
