It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
