he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
