dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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