He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize