we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
