see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize