I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize