Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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