When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
