did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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