I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
