thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The best revenge is premature balding
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
