Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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