No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize