is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
