My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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