dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize