I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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