remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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