Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
