girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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