I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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