Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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