You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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