Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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